


Kairosclerosis

by stringinstruments



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, bed sharing, literally fluff, reminiscing the past maybe, the softest of soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 03:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19844992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stringinstruments/pseuds/stringinstruments
Summary: Kairosclerosisn. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savour the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste.2009/2010 Dan ponders his happiness and new life with Phil.





	Kairosclerosis

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this cause i'm feeling like i need some sweet fluff in my life (& i was bored)

Dan would often spend hours on end browsing the internet in terrible-for-his-posture positions, laying on his bed with a chunky laptop resting on his chest or slowly slipping down a sofa all hunched up. Surely these positions would effect him later in life but did he really care right now? He always got caught up in scrolling through tumblr, reading interesting Wikipedia articles he was sure no one had ever stumbled upon, or watching videos of both humorous and mindless things on his newly founded obsession: youtube.

Apart from cat memes, he would often stumble upon interesting words, ones he had never thought to exist. He always ended up entranced in their intense meanings and would often get stuck on the most interesting ones. He would be up hours on end into the night raising eyebrows and pondering about these words and how they came to be, until he came upon one that effected him in ways he couldn’t possibly describe.

**_Kairosclerosis_ **

_n. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savour the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste._

He often wondered about this word, and had he ever experienced it? It was hard to say as describing himself as happy was a hard feat in itself, only in a rare occurrence would he experience it. And if he did have his happy moments, it never continued on long enough for him to ponder the thought of his happiness. So he would turn off his laptop in the early hours of the morning and go to bed, his brain thinking about a funny youtube video rather than these words. Youtube was more relevant in his life, wasn't it?

It wasn’t until he met Phil when he started to think about this word again. It really started when he watched some of the _AmazingPhil_ videos on youtube. Dan didn’t know what caught his attention when it came to the raven haired male but he knew he was hooked instantly. It was a new feeling that he wasn’t even close to being used to.

When Phil finally noticed Dan on Twitter it was an even intenser feeling Dan had never felt. When they got even closer Dan could only result this feeling to one thing: happiness.

When they talked on Skype he was happy.

When they interacted on Twitter he was over the moon.

When they made plans to finally meet in real life he couldn’t believe it and spent a long time curled up in bed, so overcome by this new sensation of happiness that he couldn’t properly function.

Now when he would visit Phil, he would lay next to his sleeping body and just think, think, think. He often stayed up later than Phil thought he would, just appreciating the fact that he had his own person next to him, because deep down he was terrified that if he didn’t appreciate it now, he would lose it and never have it again.

It was still new. Especially as it budded into something deeper between the two.

In the dark, Dan could see the rise and fall of Phil’s chest. The older male was laying on his back with his head tilted slightly towards where Dan lay, breathing softly in his slumber. Dan had been awake in the dark for so long he could see the dark purple love bites he had left lower on Phil’s neck earlier that evening. They gave Dan a sense of belonging, that Phil was his and his only. Phil’s dark hair was a mess against the bright green patterned pillow, resting softly against Phil’s forehead when Dan had brushed it down lovingly before they had gone to bed.

It was late at night when Dan started to feel a little bit more intensely. He felt so, so soft for Phil. Every time he would leave his gaze resting on Phil’s face, he would feel as if his insides had melted away, that he was finally calm and at peace with everything. Although Dan’s life was not even close to being perfect; he still had so many obstacles to face in the future. But after everything, Phil had been the best thing that had happened to him. He had never been treated with such kindness and love, he had never experienced someone looking at him and only wanting to give them everything he had ever wanted and desired in his life, instead of the opposite way around. And when it came to attempting the rest of his life, at least now he knew he had someone to help him along the way. He had never felt this type of love or happiness before, and he hadn’t thought he’d ever have the chance.

But now he did, because he had Phil.

There it was. The realisation of happiness in his life was becoming more and more evident lately, especially around Phil. The fact that he somehow found someone who liked him for who he was; didn’t dislike him; loved him even. He had never thought he’d receive such emotion from another human being, just the thought made him close to tears.

He would get stuck on the features of Phil’s face. The curve of Phil’s lip, the arch of his nose, the softness of his closed eyelids. Phil was so attractive; another thing that always had Dan thinking, always coming back to the softness of those lips, the way they would often work against his and getting both of them worked up, or how they felt against different areas of his body. The slight scratch of stubble on Phil’s chin when he sometimes went a long time without shaving. The way when Phil would sometimes wake up with a messy quiff, hair sticking up on all ends, ginger roots showing through when Phil had gone awhile without redying his hair. The sleepy evenings when Phil wore his glasses instead of contacts and Dan could view him in almost an entirely new way, adoring how Phil wore his glasses and how they made him look like an adorable nerd.

Dan was happy. He was really happy. He was often so happy he often had to hide his happiness when he was back home so his parents didn’t get suspicious of his newly founded relationship. He was often scared they would find out he wasn’t the heterosexual son they thought he was, didn’t want to have to do anything erratic and somehow end up having to break the relationship off, end up without Phil. Because without Phil, he didn’t know what he would do - he couldn’t go back down to the sadness and depression 24/7 he had experienced for most of his life so far - not after experiencing these amazing new feelings, no doubtedly the happiest time of his life. It was those times when he was home and working, having to think about what he was doing with his life, what he was going to study at uni that started just too soon when he realised how much Phil meant to him.

When he was away from Phil it was as if the life had been sucked out of him; the sun had been turned off; everything good in the world had been drained away. Though Phil never failed to make him happy during these times, constant video chat, text and calls always kept him on his feet, always leaving him excited for the next time they would see each other and be together again.

Dan brushed some of Phil’s dark hair away from his eyes. It was moments like these that always had him thinking of his happiness. The tender moments when he could touch Phil lightly and be allowed to. Nothing stopping him from draping his arm over Phil’s body, or lightly pressing his hand to Phil’s chest, feeling the steady heartbeat of the human next to him. Although he always failed to understand the final definition of _Kairosclerosis_. He always thought about how he would continuously pick at his happiness, basking in the joy of his newly refreshed life, but he would never come to the end statement of the aftertaste. Instead, he would always come to the end statement of pure contentedness, finally content and happy and ready to experience the same feelings again the next day.

He didn’t know what time it was. But Phil stirred slightly in his sleep, eyes fluttering to sleepily look at Dan, a small smile resting on his face.

“Hi, baby.” Dan said softly, quiet as ever. He could feel the smile on his face, the show of his dimples which Phil always told him how much he adored.

“Hi, love.” Phil murmured back, rolling to his side to face Dan, and grasping him into the warmest embrace he had ever experienced. “Thinking again?”

“Hope I didn’t wake you from a dream.” Dan whispered, clutching Phil back. He could feel Phil’s heartbeat against his own, the two mimicking each other in a peaceful yet heart racing pace.

“You’re always the best dream I can have, lovely.” Phil murmured back and Dan closed his eyes; he was excited to fall asleep in the arms of the love of his life, wake up and then experience all of his newfound happiness again, again and again.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr at downwardsdimple! come and say hi!


End file.
